Have you ever felt a nagging sense of unease, as if you were living a life that wasn’t truly yours? Like showing up at a party dressed as Captain America, only to realize it’s a formal dinner—and you’re not even sure why you’re there in the first place? Maybe you made choices to fit in, appease others, or chase goals that society deemed important. Yet, deep down, something felt off. That discomfort is often a sign that you’re out of sync with your core values—the guiding principles that shape who you are and what you stand for.
Understanding your personal values and living true to your values isn’t just a nice idea that people like Tony Robbins write books about; it’s essential for a fulfilled and harmonious life. Plus, if you don’t know your own values, you might end up adopting someone else’s—and let’s be honest, do you really want to live according to your nosy neighbor’s idea of success? Probably not.
Let’s explore why knowing your values matters, the consequences of ignoring them, and how living with integrity can lead to profound personal growth.
What Are Personal Values?
Personal values are the fundamental beliefs that guide your decisions, actions, and interactions with the world. They are the inner compass that directs you toward what you find meaningful and worthwhile. Living true to your values means aligning your actions with these core principles, creating a life that feels authentic and purposeful.
Identifying your values is like discovering the blueprint for your life. When you know what you stand for, it becomes easier to make choices that resonate with your authentic self. Without this clarity, you risk living a life shaped by external influences rather than your true desires.
Think of your values as your own personal GPS. Sure, you might ignore it and try to ‘wing it,’ but you’ll probably end up in some dead end road of regret with a metaphorical ‘Recalculating…’ ringing in your mind. Living true to your values is like taking the best route and actually arriving at your desired destination.
The Cost of Ignoring Your Values
When we stray from our values, we often experience inner conflict and disharmony. Imagine the protagonist of a well-loved American classic: The Great Gatsby. Jay Gatsby’s relentless pursuit of wealth and social status was fueled by a desire to win back Daisy Buchanan. But in chasing an idealized version of success, he abandoned his core values of love and authenticity. The result? A life of loneliness, disillusionment, and ultimately, tragedy.
Gatsby’s story is a cautionary tale about what happens when we prioritize external validation over internal integrity. When we live out of alignment with our values, we may achieve outward success, but it often comes at the expense of our inner peace and well-being. Plus, let’s be real—who wants to be the tragic hero of their own life story? Pass.
How to Identify Your Values
Identifying your values requires introspection and honesty. It’s not something you can figure out in the middle of binge-watching a reality show (although some cringe-worthy decisions on TV might remind you what not to value).
Here are a few steps to help you uncover your core beliefs and start living true to your values:
- Reflect on Peak Moments: Think about times when you felt truly alive and fulfilled. What values were being honored in those moments?
- Examine Your Frustrations: Consider situations that made you feel angry or upset. Often, these feelings arise when your values are being violated.
- Ask Deep Questions: What qualities do you admire in others? What kind of legacy do you want to leave?
- Create a Values List: Write down a list of potential values that resonate with you. This could include words like freedom, compassion, honesty, adventure, or creativity. Don’t limit yourself at this stage—the goal is to capture everything that feels meaningful.
Identifying Your Core Values and Subordinate Values
- Pick Your Top 1-2 Core Values: Look at your list and ask yourself:
- Which values feel non-negotiable?
- What would you be willing to fight for or sacrifice for?
- Which values best define who you are, even when no one is watching?
- Find Subordinate Values: Once you’ve identified your core values, consider the subordinate values that naturally align with them. Subordinate values are the specific ways you express your core values in daily life. For example:
- If your core value is freedom, your subordinate values might include adventure, creativity, and self-expression.
- If your core value is integrity, your subordinate values might include honesty, accountability, and fairness.
- If your core value is love, your subordinate values might include compassion, kindness, and loyalty.
Think of subordinate values as the supporting cast to your main character values. They’re not the stars of the show, but they help bring the whole story to life.
Putting Your Values into Action
After identifying your values, reflect on how they show up in your daily actions. Are you living true to your values? If not, what changes can you make to honor them more fully? When your decisions are guided by your values, you’ll find greater clarity and peace in your life.
For example, when my wife and I recently began the process of buying a house, we realized that we had to stay grounded in our values to make the right decision. We both value security and stability, but we also prioritize growth, adventure, and connection with nature. Instead of choosing a house purely based on investment potential or square footage, we focused on finding a home that aligned with our deeper values—a space that would foster both stability and a sense of inspiration and growth that resonated with both of our core values.
By honoring those values, we ended up with a house decision that felt just right. We felt more at peace with our decision, knowing it was the right path for us.
The Benefits of Living True to Your Values
When you live true to your values, life feels more meaningful and purposeful. You gain clarity in decision-making, strengthen your self-respect, and build deeper connections with others. Living with integrity also helps you weather life’s storms because you’re rooted in something solid and unshakable.
Consider another beloved character: Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. Now, imagine if Atticus were swapped out for a reality TV lawyer more interested in likes than justice. Not quite the same moral gravitas, right? Atticus stands firm in his values, even when it’s wildly unpopular—something we could all use a bit more of these days, especially in a world where ‘influencer’ is a career choice. Atticus embodies integrity by defending a black man wrongly accused of a crime in a deeply prejudiced society. Despite the personal and social risks, he stands firm in his values of justice and equality. His unwavering commitment inspires those around him and leaves a lasting legacy of moral courage.
Atticus’s story teaches us that living true to your values requires bravery, but it also leads to profound respect and admiration from others—and more importantly, from ourselves.
Living true to your values is not always easy. It requires courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to stand out. Yet, the rewards are immeasurable. When you live with integrity, you create a life that feels authentic, fulfilling, and deeply meaningful.
So, take the time to identify your values. Honor them in your daily actions. And remember, as Atticus Finch said, “The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.” So, when the crowd is busy chasing trends or debating who the greatest pop artist is, trust your inner compass. Your values won’t always make you popular, but they will make you authentic—and that’s the kind of legacy worth leaving.
Ready to start living true to your values? Take a moment today to reflect on your core beliefs. Identify your top values, and make a plan to align your daily actions with what truly matters. Share your journey with friends or loved ones, and inspire others to do the same. Living true to your values isn’t just a personal journey—it’s a movement toward a more authentic and meaningful life. Let’s start that movement together.
Read more about how to find greater fulfillment and purpose in life.
